I’ve come to the realization that even though I’m somewhat of a control freak, there are some things, particularly about New York CIty, that I just have to accept and move on.  First, even though I’ve lost over 30 lbs since my 50th birthday (2 years ago for those keeping score), the last 15 just may not be there for the taking.  I lost the weight running, and I still run.  But there is so much amazing food in NY, I now have to run more just to keep off the 30 I lost.  I try to be good, but it seems everything here is centered around food.  The best of everything can be found anywhere in the City.  There are 200 restaurants in a half mile radius from my apartment….and they’re all amazing.  They can’t afford to stay open if they’re not great.  In the winter, it’s too cold to stay outside so everyone congregates in one of the bakeries, cafe’s, coffee shops or diners that can be found everywhere.  In the spring and summer, restaurants set up tables on the sidewalk that beckon you to come, sit and stuff your face with all sorts of wonderful dishes.  American, Italian, Irish, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Thai cuisine and on and on are everywhere.  If you can resist that, well, they close off large blocks of the neighborhood streets and move the food outside and have huge street fairs.  Who can resist fried pies, crepes, fresh fruit, steak and chicken pies and assorted kabobs when the smell from the grills fills the City streets?

Apparently not me!  So I run to eat.  I’m fine with that.  If I can get in 15 – 20 miles a week I can pretty much eat what I like.  To lose the extra 15, I might have to run 30 – 40 miles a week.  That would mean getting up at 4:00 am..so that’s doubtful.  Which leads me to the second area that I can’t control.

The pace of this City is unbelievable, which will certainly accelerate the graying of my hair to a snowy white.  In my past, I’ve worked for IBM and travelled the country helping clients, but even in that role there were stretches of down time.  I had more time to read, think and contemplate life.  In New York, it’s like you always have to be on.  Work is busy but manageable.  But having 8 million people on an island means most of my business partners and associates that I need to deal with have locations within walking distance of my office.  When I worked at BCBS TN in Chattanooga, anytime a vendor wanted to meet with me, they usually had to set the meeting up days or often weeks in advance to allow time to travel to Chattanooga (which isn’t that easy).  This meant things didn’t happen as quickly but it also meant there was more time to plan, to strategize or just to eat lunch.  In NYC, 98% of my vendors and business partners have offices near mine.  We can meet the same day I need them, which is great from an execution standpoint, but leaves no slack time.  We can meet for lunch or dinner or even breakfast.  This really isn’t a complaint, in fact it’s usually an advantage…but it does have a price.  You always have to be on.  There’s another thing about the proximity of everyone and the sheer number of people you come in contact with that should be mentioned. Having everyone near and accessible is great for networking and getting things done.  However, it makes building real community difficult.  I firmly believe people are at their happiest and most fulfilled when they have intimacy, love and community as a foundation to lean on.  There is no shortage of people here to be with, but there is a shortage of community.  This is why there is so much loneliness in a City of 8 million people.  I was talking to a colleague last week who is single.  She was saying that it’s so hard to find someone to have a long-term relationship with in the City because there are too many choices.  After a few dates, some type of issue or disagreement will inevitably come up and it’s just too easy to move on to someone else.  The pace of life and the inordinate volume of “choices” can make this a very lonely place to live.  For me, my foundation is my family and my faith.  Laura is my rock and with my kids give me all the fulfillment I need to survive anything.  My community of like-minded believers keeps me grounded and accountable.  I don’t know how people survive without that in their life.

NYC is a great place be but it has to be managed.  It looks like I’ll have to keep running to keep the weight off.  I also have to keep up my connections to family and faith to stay balanced.  This way maybe I can help others find the community they so desperately need.

I have to admit, writing this update will be difficult.  This past Wednesday, NYC and the nation remembered the horrific losses experienced 12 years ago.  Nearly 3,000 people were killed that day including 343 New York Fire Fighters (FDNY).  This is my first year living here and experiencing it as a resident.  Many family and friends from back home called that day wondering what NYC was like and how it was being remembered.

Wednesday morning I was running a little late.  I left my apartment and caught the “1” train headed to Penn Station around 8:35 am.  At 8:46, the train suddenly stops and the lights were dimmed.  8:46 was the time the first plane hit the Twin Towers 12 years ago.  No one on the train moved.  No one said a word as we sat and stood in silence for 10 minutes.  There was no pre announcement and no post announcement, everyone just knew.  When I got to the office, I found out a few of my staff were taking the day off.  Some of them had lost family members in the attack and were remembering and grieving in their own way.  All day, the City seemed quieter, a little more somber.

New York is typically the most “live in the moment” city I’ve ever worked in or been part of.  The intensity can be overwhelming.  Everything seems compressed and the pressure to always be “on” is ever-present.  I actually love that about this place.  In many ways, it makes me feel more alive.  On 9/11, the edge seemed to drop considerably.  Maybe it was just me but people seemed to have a little more patience, a little more tolerance.  As far as I know, there were no protests, or big ceremonies other than at Ground Zero where the names of the lost were read every 6 minutes.  This is mostly for the families of the loved ones who they lost.  The “Tribute in Light” where two large spot lights stay on through the night of 9/11 could be seen across the city but even that came with no big ceremony.  It was more somber, sacred than that.  One of the most touching moments I experienced was walking by a fire station on the Upper West Side.  There was a small enclave near the main door where several photos of Firemen from that station who lost their lives were displayed in remembrance.  There were flowers everywhere on the sidewalk.

It’s just my opinion, but it feels like most people here want to honor the day and remember the lost in their own way, but also want to show resilience.  The events of 9/11 were a punch in the gut, but nowhere near a knock out punch.  In my 8 months here, I have found the majority of the people to be kind and gracious.  Yes, everyone’s in a hurry and people aren’t into small polite phrases (“excuse me”, “sorry”, “pardon me”), but I’ve never had a situation where I needed some help where someone didn’t extend a hand in some way.  I’ve never felt unwelcome, in fact just the opposite.  Everyone here is from somewhere else.  It’s the most diverse place I’ve ever been, maybe the most diverse city on the planet.  In a typical day, I will hear more foreign languages and non-English accents than I hear from people born and raised in the US.  It’s a beautiful tapestry of a thriving CIty.  But on 9/11, it just felt like we were all in this thing together.  Yes, let’s honor and remember, but let’s also show strength and unity.  Maybe I just see things through rose-colored glasses and I know my faith in God allows me to see people through His eyes as beautiful, loved creations (when I’m not in too big of a hurry that is).  There are plenty of major issues here, homelessness, poverty, drugs (especially among the middle and upper class) disease, rats, etc that all need to be addressed.  But there is conversely an amazing amount of beauty if you look just below the surface.  Every day, I have to choose which to see.  On 9/11, it was just a little easier to see the beauty.

Well, I just passed the 8 month anniversary of my new adventure moving to NYC. More importantly, that means there is less than 4 months before Laura moves here to join me. I think I can make it, but it is very difficult. In some ways, half my life is missing. Thank God for technology where I can stay in touch multiple times every day. It’s funny, but the change to cooler weather and football actually makes me miss Laura and the kids more than the long dog days of summer. Probably because I’m a huge football fan. I’m realizing that football is a sport meant to be watched by family or a community where you share a common response to high’s and low’s throughout a game and a season. On that note, I did find a great community of fellow Dawgs (UGA for the uninformed) that meet every Saturday in NYC and watch the game together. There had to be 400 – 500 people barking there lungs out there! Who knew so many, mostly southern, UGA alumni and friends were here in the City. For 3 – 4 hours, it really felt like I was in Athens, Ga at the game. All of the fight songs were played, the chants were chanted, the cheers were cheered and it just felt like home. There was even a live trumpeter playing the Battle Hymn from the balcony…how cool is that! It was even better because UGA won the game. I met a lot of new friends and will definitely be going back. It struck me yesterday that one of the really unique things about NYC is that you can make it whatever you want it to be. If you come to NY and look for rude and insane people, that’s all you’ll see. But in reality, they are everywhere, just more here because there is more of everything here. If you want to lock yourself in your apartment and be alone, people will leave you alone. But if you look for community, it’s definitely here. If you like to work out at 3am, there’s a group here that does that. If you like to sew quilts, there are groups here that are into that…I looked it up (The City Quilter).  There is a group of NYC Southerners that like to run, there’s also a group of NYC Southerners that like to try out new restaurants (for their health, I hope it’s the same group). I found them through a site called Meetup. Go check out www.meetup.com and look at all this City has to offer. There’s even a group for the shy and those with Social Anxiety (I hope it’s well attended). There are groups for backpackers, new moms that live on the UWS, writers and even people that want to take part in flash mobs. It’s interesting to me the responses I get when I ask people that have lived here a short time if they like it or not. Those that don’t, usually don’t get out much and are intimidated by the loneliness created by the size and complexity of the City. Those that love it have found community here. Many, including me find it through work or Church (Faith is the ultimate community builder in my experience) or through other things like NYC Dawgs. Funny, Church and College football are truly Southern things and they are life lines for me here. Anyway, enough ramblings for this week. Until next time…Go Dawgs!!